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You seem to love cocktails... or part of it.
When the zombie apocalypse hits, I know EXACTLY who I`m tripping first...
The toughest part of a job interview is finding the exact right moment to go in for the kiss.
I enjoy long walks on the beach and that thing you just did with that banana.
A man walks into a bar & orders a beer. He drinks it, looks in his pocket & orders another. This happens 7 more times. Bartender asks, "What`s in your pocket?" Man says, "I have a photo of my wife in there. When she looks good enough, I`ll go home."
Doctors who expect me to pee on command, I`m not some kind of stunt pee-er, you know.
There`s a word for people like you ... "leave"
Moving all my retirement funds into a Colorado snack machine franchise.
Online personality tests are pretty self-explanatory… If you’re taking the test, chances are you don`t have one.
The well behaved rarely make history.
If a lesbian c*ckblocks another lesbian, is that considered a beaver dam?
I`m like the toughest guy in this comic book store.
I have discovered that theirs no popcorn in popcorn chicken. I guess there`s no point in bothering with hash browns then.
I just called my boss and told him I have explosive diarrhea. It’s my day off, but I like to keep him informed.
Why is "Pissed" an expression of being upset? I`ve never been so mad that I pee`d myself.