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My resolution last year was to learn Spanish, and that only lasted about dos weekos.
Is going to bed! Hopefully the Cleaning Fairies will come and clean my house tonight! Wishful Dreaming i guess!
The Internet makes things so convenient. Before it existed, if you wanted to order a DVD online, you had to invent the Internet.
When your girlfriend says do what ever you want. Do not do what ever you want!
Everything is legal when the cops aren`t around.
I wonder when people without cars pick their noses…
If Kutcher went to Sheen and said It`s still your show, this was all a joke and yelled "You got Punked" it would be the greatest prank ever.
How can I learn to be more patient? (I`m only interested in quick-fix solutions with immediate results please)
Good job on the speed traps, cops – How are the murderer traps coming along?
I am not retreating! I am advancing in a different direction!
My thoughts should be ashamed of themselves.
The amount of time my smartphone spends plugged in charging, you might as well want to call it a Land-line
Being an American is awesome. The end.
Alcohol – The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance “medicine.”
I`m at the point in my life where "friend with benefits" just means a person who gives me their Bed Bath & Beyond coupons.