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When we are small, our mom`s would use really small forks as spoons to feed us...But what about Chinese moms? Would they use toothpicks?
I just ended a long-term relationship today ... I’m ok though, it wasn’t mine.
Of course it`s you....there`s no f*cking way it`s me.
I applied for a government job today and accidentally sent the wrong resume. This early display of incompetence should work in my favor.
this guy with binoculars has been watching me watch him with binoculars and i don`t know who`s winning
The fact that Pitbul is even considered a musician is more disgusting than the fact that toothpaste was invented years after french kissing was.
If karma doesn`t hit you, I gladly will.
I`ve been on a diet for 2 weeks and all I`ve lost is 14 days.
If a clown farts, does it smell funny?
Whoever invented grass must be a billionaire that stuff is everywhere
Is professional lollygagger an actual job yet?
I`m no super genius, but I bet the most effective way to lose "baby weight" is to have the baby.
I always hear people say that a dog is man`s best friend, but I don`t even have enemies who`ll look me dead in my face while taking a sh!t on my carpet.
Sometimes I wish there was a `Build-a-Girlfriend`.
Losing weight is not working for me, so I`m concentrating on getting taller.