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Haters are my motivators(:
I tried to log in on my ipad. Turns out it was an Etch-a-Sketch and I don`t own an ipad. Also, I`m out of vodka.
Instead of cleaning my house I just watch an episode of hoarders and think " Wow my house looks great"
I bet the hardest part of working the poison control hotline is not finishing your sentences with "...you ignorant dumbass"
I used to dream about becoming an astronaut. Now I just dream that there`s still time before the alarm goes off.
this website used to be full of funny statuses. Then the 8-year olds came in.
If everyone would stop screaming, I`m sure we`d all agree I`m not supposed to be in this women`s restroom.
I wish I could veto MY bills.
How do you people have the time to hate a stranger on the internet?
FACEBOOK STORY: Add as friend – Approve -> Write something on wall -Intro – Everyday chatting – Ask number phone – Messaging – Calling – Meeting – Express love – Make relationship status – Hangout – Misunderstanding – Fight – Break up – Unfriend – Block !THE END
Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you’ll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief.
Now working on my 2nd million. I gave up on the first.
I`ve reached the age where happy hour is a nap.
Depresso; the feeling you get when you`ve run out of coffee.
I swear July only lasted like 3 minutes