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Do you guys dance in the shower too? This morning I did the robot! (I short circuited and stared at the wall for 40 minutes, broken)
Today is different because after you lie to someone, you tell them you were lying.
I bring my kids to a romantic restaurant on Valentine`s day as a birth control reminder to the other couples.
I hate it when I`m in a crowded elevator and yell out "GROUP HUG!" and people look at me all weird and stuff.. Making friends is hard.
There really isn`t much difference between being a kid and being an adult. I was just as emotionally crippled upon learning the truth about Penthouse Letters as I was about Santa Claus.
I love my six-pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
There should be an energy drink named 6 AM child
Please respect the revolving door speed that has already been established.
If I say “it’s a great day to be alive,” it’s because those are literally my only plans.
I`m not homophobic, I love my house!
"Don`t try this at home"...Okay, i`ll try it at my friend`s house..
I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody`s there to appreciate it.
Irony is paying a therapist to listen to how you don’t like talking to other people.
You must be a parking ticket or something for the word FINE is written all over you.