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I’m the kind of guy who dreams about naps while I’m asleep.
They updated the Raggedy Ann doll to Swaggedy Ann. She comes with an iPhone, divorced parents, and 3 pairs of heelys.
I believe in equality. If we have five days of work, then we should have five day weekends as well.
Say what you will about women but I think being able to turn one sentence into a six hour argument takes talent.
Remember when we thought it would be fun to grow up and have jobs? LOL
For the first time in my years of working I have been hard at work all day......dammm those pills!!!!
Don’t trust people that dislike pizza. They’re probably not human.
Repeat after me: It doesn’t matter how big the problem is, posting it on Facebook won’t solve it.
Turning on your lights and siren after you lose a drag race is just poor sportsmanship.
When I drink I become everybody`s friend which makes up for my hating everybody when I`m sober.
Facebook made billions by saying “Hey, remember that kid you haven’t seen since the third grade? He’s a parent who hates Obama now.”
If you can`t handle your alcohol I would gladly help you out
If pigs really could fly I bet their wings would taste delicious.
The opposite of "tying the knot" is "no strings attached"
Some days it´s not worth chewing through the straps.