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Picking out the right Christmas tree is a science. Sneaking into your neighbor`s yard to cut it down is an art.
one of the Olsen twins got married earlier today! when the fiance was asked "which one???" he replied "who cares???"
Its not my fault if I blame everyone for my mistakes...right?
I have more conversations in my head than I do in real life.
You know those people who get all excited and lovey with puppies at pet stores? Same. But I`m in a liquor store.
Its O.K. to laugh during sex … just don’t point ! ... trust me
It`s the little things in life that matter the most... for instance the refrigerator light, helping you to see that last beer way in the back!
"I don`t trust you to not buy drugs" -people who give gift cards
When will math grow up and start solving its own problems
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
If Monday was a movie, it would be very long and boring.
Typical: you have nothing to wear for a party and suddenly the rabbits, the birds and the mice begin to sew you a dress
Black Friday at my house consist of pants 100% off
I`m on my 5th coffee, just in case you`re wondering about the "other way" to get to Narnia .
Imagine my disappointment when I discovered a "Booby Prize" really wasn`t boobies at all...:(