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Dating: the process of hiding your crazy just long enough to get the other person to commit.
What do you call a guy who makes "Woman in the Kitchen" jokes? Single.
dear journal..im now the coolest kid in school....mom:SWEETIE THE CHESSCLUB IS HERE 4 U!!!
That awkward moment when you have 10+ tabs open and you can`t figure out which one the music is coming from.
Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pac Man, for 25 cents that bitch would swallow balls til she died!
I hate it when I put a status and you don`t like it,example this one.
I think every Taco Bell value meal should be called a "Number 2".
How long do I microwave this 14 lb turkey?
High-five a veteran today.
hey single people..tomorrow is officially `rebound day` after all the ridiculously high romantic expectations end in `epic fail`
Got tossed outta Starbucks this morning for asking the really cute redhead behind the counter for a "Quickie". Apparently it`s pronounced "Quiche`" who knew......
When I order pizza online, in the "Special Instructions for the Driver" box, I put "Tell me I`m a pretty princess".
I was enjoying our conversation. Until you started talking....
Now that cell phones are becoming more and more waterproof, pretty soon it will be okay to push people into pools again...
I`m feeling 22.. Pounds overweight.