Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
2003: Fear that ppl from the internet will find me in real life. 2013: Fear that ppl from real life will find me on the internet.
If you cry loudly enough at a Walmart everyone will just assume you work there.
I got a letter from my crush on Valentine`s Day. Well, technically it`s a restraining order but still....
The best way to grill a chicken is to whack it with a rubber hose before you ask why it crossed the road..
Hey! Did any of you see my........ Oh ! Never mind... :D How much of you said that before? heee heee hee!
Protip: Never look up from your breakfast if you hear the words "gruesome discovery" coming from your TV on the morning news.
I wonder if the Ziploc bag company secretly lobbies to keep marijuana illegal.
I`m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out I`ll pop open the red and drink that.
Give a man a gun he can rob a bank. Give a man a bank and he can rob everybody
Choosing A Career Is Like Chosing A Wife From 10 Girls. Even If You Pick The Most Beautiful, Intelligent, Kindest Woman, There`s Still Pain Of Losing The Other 9
If your friends can accurately guess your age, you need to find dumber friends.
Well, today was a complete waste of clean clothes.
You know those adorable idiosyncrasies you loved about your spouse when first dating? Well, after 10 years of marriage they become what the police refer to as "motive".
My New Years Resolution for 2015 is to stop being so impatient.
Stop picking on Justin Bieber. That`s somebody`s daughter.