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Don`t rush me, I`m waiting until the last minute.
It’s proving very difficult to find a shop selling “Left Guard” for my other armpit…
Hey NSA, we all know you`re there now. So click the approve on my Candy Crush ticket request.
I was offering free mammograms in the company parking lot long before my employer was doing it ... just sayin
Pro tip: Don`t moan when getting a pat down at airport security
Technology is outpacing my ability to come up with convincing lies that I didn`t get your message.
I chose the wrong fork in the road, took the road less travelled and got off the beaten path and now I don`t know where the hell I am.
Dating should be like buying a car... You should get to talk to the previous owners! SHOW ME THE MANFAX
On average I spend $75 a year to watch bananas turn brown.
That message felt like a great idea until I hit send.
You can dress for success or undress for it. It depends on what type of work you want.
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever
The best curve on a woman is her smile :) ...Hahahaha lmao! No I`m kidding, it`s her boobs.
I want it all and I want it delivered.
You never know what you have until you clean your room.