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If I truly posted what was on my mind ... I´d most likely be in a psychiatric hospital right now.
I`d rather spend 5 minutes reorganizing the dishwasher, than spend the 10 seconds it takes to wash the dish that doesn`t fit.
I never got the expression "complete idiot". Is there an Incomplete version?
The average person farts 14 times a day. Finally, I`m above average at something!
To all the lovely ladies here I`m not wearing green....to all the guys here, I know Ju-Jitsu. Just saying
The Internet: 1% information 1% jokes 98% outrage over information and jokes
When I`m older, I`m going to buy one of those Volkswagen Bugs. Only because I have a excuse to hit my wife every time we go somewhere.
I hope Breaking Bad ends with Jesse waking up from a dream in the middle of Mr. White`s chemistry class.
I can`t afford a therapist so i bought a mood ring
The hardest part about a Zombie Apocalypse is pretending I’m not excited.
I can`t wait to find my soul mate so I can start sleeping on the couch.
You know what is cheaper than therapy? ... Admitting you`re batshit crazy and running with it.
I have a lot on my plate right now. Not busy, just hungry.
Going through the dealership lot with the salesman, pointing at every car and asking, "what kinda robot does that one turn into?"
Good For OJ, he gets to take another stab at life..