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Looking for one night stand! Probably need two! I have a lot of books
Grab the bull by the horns. The other end is too gross...
Taking a nap is so risky. Like, when will I wake up? 30 minutes from now? 2 hours? 12 years? No one can be sure.
Sadly, I don`t think anyone has Wang Chunged once tonight... :(
Whenever I pick my Grandma up from the airport, I leave my left blinker on during the entire drive so she feels more comfortable.
Okay so the pregnant woman in the library didn`t get my `overdue` joke.
Roughly 82% of my day is trying to decide what my next meal will be
My Living Will says it`s okay to pull the plug on me, but I`d like them to at least try jiggling it a few times first.
Just completed a 0.00 mile run - preceded by 11 oreo cookies
Let`s be honest. The only reason you listen to your voice-mail messages is to make the stupid icon disappear
Goodnight, good people - and nite nite to the naughty ones too!
First thing I do in the morning: Look at the clock and hope I have more time to sleep.
The word "Saturday" has "turd" in it. Good luck trying to ignore that for the rest of your life, starting now.
Baby Polar Bear: Mommy, am I really a Polar Bear? Mother: Of course you are. Why? Baby Polar Bear: `Cause I`m fukcing freezing!"
Remember, life isn`t about accumulating stuff. It`s about making people insanely jealous of your stuff.