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Based on the sounds coming from my neighbors house, they`re either having amazing sex or putting together a dresser from Ikea.
I don’t want to sound racist, but all stormtroopers look the same to me.
You never know a person until you walk in their shoes... or until you check their browser history.
I did absolutely nothing today and did it well!!!
The 21st century. When deleting history is more important than making it.
is frickin awesome! Nough Said.
Four words that I never want to hear: we`re out of beer
Somebody is out there, somewhere, thinking of the impact you`ve made in their life. It`s not me. I think your an idiot.
I am not looking for a one night stand, 2 hours will be plenty enough.
Non alcohilic beer, for people who like to pee but hate that annoying buzz.
1,000 Ways To Die is so unrealistic. There`s no episode where a man asks a woman `what`s wrong?`
After opening this month`s electric bill, I am no longer scared of the dark.
My favorite thing about working out is the part where I decide not to.
Uhm, excuse me waiter... I`d like to return my food. It only received 5 likes on Instagram.
The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she`s going to get me something.