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If she asks what the weight limit is on your ceiling fan.... She`s a keeper!
Just quit my job so I can spend more quality time giving out candy crush extra lives.
Whenever someone says, "Have a good one." I always respond with, "I have a good one, I just wish it were longer."
Are you always this stupid? or are you just making special effort today...
Always thought the 4 words I never wanted to hear from my wife was "I want a divorce". Turns out its actually, "What is your password".
*Australian accent* Notice the wife in her natural habitat shaming the male husband species into doing what she wants!
Only awesome people are allowed to ‘LIKE’ this status!
Whoever said “two wrongs don’t make a right” has obviously never experienced McDonalds breakfast after a night of binge drinking.
I always stop to help women who have broken down on the road. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how porn starts off. -Bfanch
Don`t fall in love, learn how to ruin your life all by yourself.
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble, people, respect it!
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you? :D
I wonder if New York people find it weird to watch their own city being destroyed in Hollywood movies so many times..!!
Netflix basically has every movie, except for the ones I actually want to watch.
I don`t like morning people ... Or mornings ... Or people.