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I won`t be impressed with technology until I can download food.
Answer your phone, "come in" just to mess with people once in a while. Count how many seconds it takes for them to respond.
I`m trying to cut back on posting pics to Instagram, so I`m not going to eat anymore.
Running away does not help with the problems unless you are fat
I hate it when people are holding a device capable of using google and they ask me stupid questions.
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible…but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell!
Today I met one of those people on the bus that gets all pissed off when you put your finger in their mouth when they yawn.
Pretty sure I look forward to my boss` vacation`s more than he does.
I`m working harder than an ugly stripper!!
Money can`t buy happiness, but somehow it`s a lot better to cry in a Mercedes than it is to cry on a bike...
If anyone ever steals my identity, I hope they show it a good time. Take it skydiving. We`ve always wanted to go skydiving.
People are like snowflakes. If you piss on them they go away.
My coffee was so hot this morning it came along with an ugly friend.
My neighbor put the box his fridge came in on the curb for trash pickup. Guess who has a new fort!
Hope dogs are kissing us and not trying to see if we started tasting good yet.