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Ended a relationship today. Don`t worry, it wasn`t mine.
I have something on my mind but I am not telling you, Facebook.
Today has me seriously evaluating my policy of not drinking on the job.
I`m hosting a wine tasting event in my home. Well, it`s not really an event. It`s just me and three bottles of wine. No one else is invited.
Whenever I hear the phrase `anything is possible`, I giggle and think about someone trying to slam a revolving door :)
I don`t care if you`re here to murder me - we take our shoes off in this house.
Why does `beans` only mean secret when it`s "Don`t spill the beans?" Why can`t I say I have a dirty little beans to tell you?
I get worried when someone posts a kitten pic with a foreign language, I don`t know if they`re showing a cute kitty pet or their dinner.
Before you judge me, know that I don`t give a crap. Ok, go ahead.
I wish I could just cut out the middleman and have the light honk when it turns green.
If you want people to know where you stand, wear the same socks for a week
Whoever convinces blind people that they need sunglasses,, is one heck of a salesman....
"Please take a seat" was a bad introduction for a Kleptomaniacs` Anonymous meeting.
Releasing a long silent fart as I walk through first class on the way to my economy seat is definitely my favorite part of boarding an aircraft.
Movie comes on while im in bed: ugh ive seen this a million times. Movie comes on before I have to get ready for work: oh hell yea a classic