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I`d feel totally comfortable dating a zombie because I`d know she loved me for my brains and not just my body.
I may not have great parenting skills, but in my defense the kids don`t have great childing skills either.
Recipes sound good until you realize that you don`t have $846 worth of spices in your house.
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.
I`d say 20% of my day is spent trying to convince the dog we`re not about to be murdered by the UPS guy, mailman, squirrels, or the ice dispenser..
I wonder if the psycho hitchhiker ever gets picked up by the psycho driver. Now there`s a movie I`d pay to see.
Brains are awesome! I wish everyone had one...
I don`t mind being wrong, as long as nobody knows.
Here’s your social security card. It’s paper & has to last you forever. Don’t laminate it. Good luck! -The Government
Don’t believe everything you think.
If you give up smoking, drinking, and sex, you don’t live longer, just seems longer.
At any given time my wallet is worth more than its contents.
I went for window shopping , and guest what , I bought four windows....
As a kid, I used to be afraid of the dark. Now as an adult, I love the dark because I’m terrified of the electricity bill.
Why can`t things be simple like they use to be? I show you a bug I found, we share a snack pack, and then you`re my girlfriend.