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Facebook: Proving that just because you have an opinion doesn`t mean you should share it.
I like holding the door for people who are far away, you know so they have to run a little.
I prefer to be crazy and happy rather than normal and bitter......
If I had a cooking show, it would be called “Do You Smell Something Burning?”
I have never been guilty of taking the smaller pizza slice.
I use profanity, the way Picasso used a paint brush
Maybelline claims to make eyelashes appear three times longer…..I think they should start making condoms.
You don`t know broke until you`ve rinsed off a paper plate.
The wifi going down on me is the most action I`m going to get tonight.
"Spring Ahead" this weekend for Daylight Saving Time proves there is a much quicker way than Facebook to lose an hour in your life....
My head hurts, I think my horns are coming in...
There is always light at the end of the tunnel. It might be a train or a truck so dont let it hit you.
Here`s to all the kids who have never found their name on anything in a souvenir store
If "Cops" has taught me anything it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces, they`re nothing but trouble...
The fact that you don’t find me amazing doesn’t bother me at all, it just confirms what I have suspected all along; that you have bad taste.