Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve opened the refrigerator and thought, What am I doing inside the refrigerator?
If it requires pants, its not happening today.
Change is hard. Seriously have you ever tried to bite a nickel?
My parents would hide fruit roll ups on top of the refrigerator, where I couldn`t reach them. Then leave chemicals right under the sink.
If I could just make one thing very clear at this point ... I would.
Is there another word for synonym?
Here Friday Friday...come on...hurry up! Oh no you don`t! You come when I call you damn it! Get your a$$ over here. ... good boy!
I`m not everyone`s cup of tea ... I`d rather be someone`s shot of tequila away.
I don`t want to set the world on fire........just you.
I`m out of bacon. This is my suicide note.
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets???
There is 2 address we will always know by heart, 1: Our Own, and 2: P. Sherman 42 wallyby way Sydney!
If you pour two beers in one glass, it`s just one beer.
HR wants me to give myself a self evaluation. This will be the first and last time they make this mistake.
The awkward moment when you’ve already said β€œwhat?” three times and still have no idea what the person said, so you just agree.