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You know it`s good advice, when your still confused afterwards.
OMG ... I hate waiting in lines ... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
I should probably be in a relationship just for the supervision.
Work is the result of failing to procrastinate effectively.
I`m not the type of person you want to put on speakerphone.
If you believe in reincarnation then your tombstone should say “b.r.b” instead of “r.i.p”.
Just because you have a beard doesn`t mean you`re a man. Last time I checked vaginas can grow hair too.
Jack The Ripper would be a great name for a fitness trainer.
Girls who don`t get naked when you`re drunk.. Explain yourselves.
I always reply to my wife’s texts with :0))) I’m not being friendly, I’m discretely letting the fat bitch know how many chins she has.
As a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
Have you tried complaining about it for hours?
My weight loss goal is to not care about the crumbs at the bottom of a Pringles can.
YOU WANNA PIECE OF THIS!?!?! ~me, aggressively handing out cake
I get more cleaning done in the ten minutes before someone comes over than I do in a week.