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Some of the nicest women you`ll meet on Facebook are men.
If camera lenses are round, why are the pictures square?
I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. ..Especially since I walked there. :)
Boy if these walls could talk I`d be like "HOLY SH!T TALKING WALLS"
I am, have to avoid the leg cramps during sex, years old.
My cardio is shopping.
If you replace the "W" in "where" "what" and "when" with "T" you get answers to the questions.
Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.
You know it´s going to be a bad day when your horoscope starts with.. "Are you sitting down?"
Relationship Status: eating
I just found a piece of pizza in my trash can. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!! WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING!!
I’m taking care of my procrastination issues; just you wait and see.
Everything I know about women, I learned from the Wizard of Oz. For example: If a woman sees a pair of shoes she wants, she`ll drop a house on the bitch to get them.
I hate when I`m about to hug somebody really sexy and my face hits the mirror!!
If I`ve learned anything from the Kardashians it`s that I shouldn`t let my complete lack of talent hold me back.