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If you see me talking to myself don`t be alarmed. I`m getting expert advice.
Sorry for illegally downloading your music, guy who mostly makes songs about doing crime.
Tip to get out of jury duty: Begin every answer with “According to the prophecy.”
The problem with the general public is that it`s made of people.
I wish the buck stopped here…I could use a few.
You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
If you`ve ever wondered which of your friends are really amazing, you`re in luck today. :)
They say when you meet the right one you will know right away. But why does it take 3 years to know it’s the wrong one?
If I didn`t drink, then how would everyone know how much I love them at 2am?
In America, someone is shot every 15 seconds ... How is that person still alive?
After a night of heavy drinkin’ there’s one thing I can’t stand… and that’s up.
Be nice to people on your way up so they won’t get suspicious when you’re rich and you invite them to your island to hunt them for sport.
I get butterflies in my stomach every time I eat butterflies.
I bet if you asked a one-eyed person, they`d tell you it really WAS all fun and games up until that point.
My "Savings Account" is just several pairs of unwashed jeans on the floor that may or may not still have change in the pockets.