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Organized people are just too lazy to look for things!
never be afraid to wipe twice
I lose all respect for myself when I bite my own tongue. I`ve been chewing for decades, how did I manage to f*ck that up?
I’m glad you’re learning to laugh at yourself. That was kind of getting awkward for the rest of us.
If Freud was alive today he would probably be awesome at telling "Yo Momma" jokes.
Every day can be palm Sunday if you`re a single guy
looong and hard, yep thats my pencil.
I feel sorry for people who don`t have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.
Any guy can seem cool on a motorcycle. If you really want to know what kind of man you`ve got, watch him walk through a spider web.
I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas…
When people say they work like a dog, I look at mine and think they must mean they just lay around all day and poop wherever they feel like.
I just slammed hard on the brakes and found 3 lighters, $4.67 in change, condom box, empty flask, half an 1/8th, and a puppy.
If you really want to know how she feels about you, get her drunk & then piss her off.
It must be exhausting being offended by everything.
Whoever said "Just showing up is half the battle" (a) didn`t understand battles and (b) probably died quickly after showing up.