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Optimism? Sure, it`s worth a try. I don`t see how acting like an eye doctor is gonna help, but whatever.
I shouldn`t play with Legos!? It says "Ages 7 & Up". 30 is higher than 7. Instead of calling me immature, you need to go take a math class.
I`ve been starting my diet tomorrow for the last 20 years.
I don’t know if I have a stalker, but if I do, could you drop off some milk. Thanks.
When you`re out & your cell battery is low: 1) lower screen brightness 2) turn off WiFi 3) crawl under table 4) weep softly til help arrives
Boobs, because you can`t motorboat a personality.
When I`m on my death bed, I want my last words to be...."I left 10 million dollars in the..........."
Why isn’t our beer color coordinated for all holiday occasions, instead of just St. Patricks Day?
The only difference between a weekday and a weekend is which boss is telling me to do things.
I`m having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... ok by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
Our sex was so good, the neighbors smoked after we finished.
What ? Who ? Exactly my point. Now move along and go read something else. Nosey !!
I used to think drinking was bad until i stopped thinking
If life is a Bitch, then why hasn´t it made me a Sandwich
Multitasking (verb) - Screwing up several things at once.