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Omg!! got 6 numbers on the Lotto.. and the stupid machine didn´t pick any of them
It appears that autocorrect has become my worst enema.
Things that schools worry about Drugs 1% Graduating 1% drop outs 1% the inportance of using a number 2 pencil on standardized tests 97%
Chaos, panic, & disorder – my work here is done.
If McDonald`s was smart they`d serve breakfast until 2pm on the weekends.
I followed my heart...Now I`m at the liquor store.
Oh cool! ... I really do not care.
Always bring a stopwatch to church, guys. You want the girl that spends the longest amount of time in confession.
It`s a good idea to test your immune system from time to time by eating a gas station hot dog
Why is it that people who can eat really spicy food think the rest of us give a sh!t?
May your life be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
Life is hard, it`s even harder when your stupid.
You know those adorable idiosyncrasies you loved about your spouse when first dating? Well, after 10 years of marriage they become what the police refer to as "motive".
All this time I thought Bi-Polar was big white bear with no sexual preference.
I`d rather be someone`s shot of whiskey than everyone`s cup of tea.