Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I shouldn`t play with Legos!? It says "Ages 7 & Up". 30 is higher than 7. Instead of calling me immature, you need to go take a math class.
Caller ID should be more detailed~ "Wants Help Moving" "Going to Whine" "Will Ask to Borrow Money"
My wallet is like an onion. When I open it.. it makes me cry.
I am the bestest at the English language...
I`d rather have my arms fall off than make two trips carrying in groceries.
Based on how I react when the toast pops out of the toaster, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.
Hey I just met you, and this is crazy. But add me on Facebook and I`ll stalk you (maybe)
Has marriage been on Mythbusters yet?
I have NEVER faked a sarcasm in my life ;)
That moment when I try and be helpful to a blind man getting off the bus by saying, "watch your step"
One day I will solve all problems with grace & maturity. Today is not that day...
Now that I know how many calories there are in a pint of beer , I have decided to stop eating.
Saying a prayer for all the turkeys today. Also the single people with concerned relatives.
Just because I`m nodding my head at appropriate times while you`re talking doesn`t mean I give a sh!t about what you`re saying..
Just got done putting up all the garage sale signs. Hope the neighbor appreciates how much work I put into their surprise garage sale.