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I`m allergic to stupidity ... which is why I break out in to sarcasm.
The older the Facebook post, the creepier your “like” becomes.
I hate when I’m about to hug someone really sexy and then my face hits the mirror.
some people just need to be kicked... in the stomach... with steel toed boots
I hide from people too, so I get it bigfoot, I get it.
Santa must be the bravest man around. Who else would let a bunch of deer pull them around in a sleigh during hunting season?
If my kids knew there was a light in the oven, they`d leave that one on too.
Saw someone try and park a car for about 10 minutes. I didn’t see the person so I’m not going to assume what gender she was.
The worst thing about rich people is I`m not one of them.
More funny statuses will be posted here soon
FACT: The higher pitched my "hey!" the greater the chance I don`t remember who you are.
I could see how 2 deaf guys arguing would appear to be gang related.
When it gets nice out I`m going to have a roof party and after that`s done have a painting party inside, come all
I paid My 11 year old $10 to do the dishes, then on her way to the bathroom I mugged her...because, you know, life lesson.
Sometimes I send status updates from my phone so it looks like I left the house.