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Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an iPad.
You guys know that there are things higher than kites, right?
I always read my girlfriend’s horoscope to see what kind of day I’m going to have.
Sarcasm. Because communicating with morons is hard.
45 minutes on the treadmill is no big deal if you don`t turn it on
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off
I think...therefore, I am.....single
At this point in life, my greatest chance of having a threesome will be sex with a schizophrenic.
I bet it’s called Almond Milk, because no one would buy Nut Juice.
It`s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
I see subway employees are still having their "how much lettuce can you fit on a sandwich" contest.
Sorry, just got your text. Are we still on for last night?
Being in the doghouse isn`t so bad if there`s enough beer in the bowl.
There is no logical reason why short pants should cost the same as long pants.
1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance – My stages of getting ready for work