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I swear I just go to the strip club for the music.
If I cover my phone at work with Preparation H, would it filter out the `pains in the butts` from calling?
I don`t have an inner child. I have an inner old person who wants everyone to shut up.
My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking. One cleaning.
Iād like to hang out, but that would get in the way of me being home and doing absolutely nothing.
She might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty`s only a light switch away.
When a cashier asks if you have a rewards card, look down, sigh, and say, "My wife took everything when she left"
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don`t make the rules.
Most of my thoughts have been coming from a very dark place lately. That`s what happens when you forget to pay your electric bill
Iām not high maintenance, but rather precious cargo with lavish instruction for upkeep.
I can`t wait to find my soul mate so I can start sleeping on the couch.
If pigs could fly, nobody would be eating chicken wings.
Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Hell Yes.
Iām so glad I was young and stupid before there were camera phones.
Women say childbirth is the most painful thing... obviously they have never stepped on a Lego.