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Let`s talk about how fabulous u think I am.
Scott Baio is not a part of the Presidential transition team. I’m really disappointed that Charles is not in Charge of anything.
You can always tell the guys that masturbate a lot by looking at their hands. If you look close enough you can see their wedding ring.
You know its cold out ......when you go outside..... and it`s cold out
As often as I lose lighters and sunglasses, it`s a good thing I never had kids. Or did I?
Who cares about throwing stones? How do people in glass houses hide when somebody knocks on the door?
Did you know that one minute of kissing burns 26 calories? No wonder those sluts are so damn skinny.
Just because you have a beard doesn`t mean you`re a man. Last time I checked vaginas can grow hair too.
Playing dead on the couch all day in case a bear attacks. That`s not lazy, that`s proactive.
WikiHow suggested 9 Ways to Celebrate Earth Day.... I did all by ?#? SLEEPING?the whole day! How???? I smoked less, used water/power less etc. Wikiwikiwiki!!!!!
One square left on the toilet roll and no extras in the cupboard. Well played, honey. Well played.
Scared some Jehovah`s Witnesses today by going to the door completely naked. I`m not sure what scared them more, me being totally naked or the fact that I knew where they lived.
My body is by no means a temple but it can be one heck of a amusement park ride...
My buddy asked me the other night if he could crash on my couch. I had to explain to him that I`m married now and thats were I sleep...
Over half the contacts in my phone are named “Do Not Answer”