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If you keep doing what you´ve always done, you´ll keep getting what you´ve always gotten.
If your ever wondering who your real friends are all you have to do is delete your facebook account for about week without saying anything and see who calls
As my mother-in-law and I fight to the death for her son`s love, I sometimes think to myself, "This may be the worst prize ever."
You guys know that there are things higher than kites, right?
“Until death do us part” means we’re all single in heaven, right?
There is no better sunscreen than sitting inside a bar.
When we give each other a thumbs up, it`s our way of mocking every other animal on earth.
Roses are red, violets are blue, vodka costs less than a dinner for two.
Thinking about waking up early for a run. Mostly thinking about how I will not be doing that.
Judging by the amount of times I accidently cut myself on sharp objects it`s probably just as well real lightsabers aren`t available yet.
I don`t know why people freak out and run when they see a spider. They are just gonna climb in your mouth when you are sleeping anyway.
Some days you`re the Titanic, some days you`re the iceberg, and some days you`re the guy who jumped off and hit a propeller on the way down.
Some days the problem is I care too much… Today was not one of those days…
I just spent a lot of time trying to form a thought when it would`ve been easier to just say, "F*ck it."
I hate getting my picture taken. Especially in front of a height chart at the police station.