Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When someone is in a bad mood, I like to help matters by pointing out several times that they seem to be in a bad mood.
If you could have all of Bill Gates` money or world peace, what colour would your Lamborghini be?
Married 24 years now. All I recall about my wedding day is something about death.
Happy third birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge.
A slug is just a divorced snail.
Remeber that time we came to work and we were excited? Me neither.
I`m not a mechanic so I don`t know why, but my car seems to make a screaming noise whenever I run over people.
My neighbour has diabetes and now she won`t make me cupcakes anymore, its like bad things always happen to me.
FYI: You can`t beat rock-paper-scissors with yourself in the mirror.
Overwhelming scientific evidence suggests a startling number of people are capable of ignoring overwhelming scientific evidence.
Next time a guy says he wants to fight you, just say "not in that outfit!" and roller skate away
“I wish there was a more convenient way to stalk others”- The phrase that started Facebook.
Google must be a woman...it knows everything.
I`m back in the HR office today. In my defense my coworker very plainly said "stick a fork in me, I`m done"
Today, 2 year olds can unlock an iphone, open and close their favorite apps. All by themselves. When I was that age, I was eating silly putty.