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Easter can be just as much fun as an adult as it was as a child. Just paint and hide beer cans instead of eggs.
I would watch NASCAR if hot wheels designed the tracks.
Not sure why my wife is only mad at me, our 4 year old forgot her birthday too.
I can`t get the cork off my dinner.
"Karate" is an old Japanese word that means, "My kid can`t hit a baseball."
A new study found that legalizing marijuana in Colorado has created more than 10,000 jobs...by keeping Taco Bell open 24 hours.
Your so lazy you should have a Life Alert bracelet that says I`m Just Napping.
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.
The only reason I keep my land line is for the eventuality that this is The Matrix.
I checked my horoscope today and all I can say is ...WOW!! I`m a Taurus and I looked it up and sure enough,it says I was born between 4/21-5/21!! Well played horoscope, well played.
The only toys I was allowed to play with in the tub were the dirty dishes.
If I ever get arrested I am going to ask for a status update instead of a phone call.
So... Where does one obtain minions?
Life seemed more interesting when everyone owned a flask.
Would buy you a drink but I would be jealous of the glass.