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Violently swerving your car will not throw a spider off the window. Doesn`t work like it does with humans. Just in case you need to know.
I have no time for games in my relationships. Unless by games you`re referring to naked twister. I`ve always got time for that sh!t.
They say a woman’s work is never done. Maybe that’s why they get paid less.
I just wanted you all to know that I`m leaving Facebook. The ride has been a blast and I`ve made a ton of friends. Your humor and wit is amazing. I`ll miss all of u, but I`ve decided I need to spend more time with my family...so see you after breakfast!!
Massaging the shoulders of the person in front of you at the Redbox machine will usually help them make up their mind faster.
Just took an inventory of my body and it appears to be overstocked in all the wrong places.
Plumbers should keep busy this week now that No Shave November is over..
It only takes 2 ingredients to make a baby. Does that not blow your mind. Like at least there should be some flour or something.
I just used the self checkout in Walmart without needing assistance and they made me district manager.
6 inch - about right, 7 inch - cant complain, 8 inch - f*cking perfect, 9 inch - a bit much, 10 inch - its hurting my insides, 11 inch - I cant take it anymore, 12 inch - I`m absolutely f*cking destroyed ... Aren`t pizza`s just awesome.
My favorite form of lying to myself is choosing a deodorant scent that contains the words `active` or `sport` in it`s name
Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn’t hear you the first 100 times.
If anxiety was good for weight loss, I`d be back to my birth weight.
just realised MR OWL ATE MY METAL WORM is exactly the same backwards
I wish karma would send me email notifications.