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I have something on my mind but I am not telling you, Facebook.
They should create an app that makes your cellphone go “ahhhhhhhh” when you plug it in.
Behind every beautiful song is a person who really shouldn`t sing it out loud in public
Just been wondering what "please Do Not Touch" would be in Braille
October is breast awareness month for women, men are usually aware of breasts all year round.
Why is it when people ask you "what three things would you bring with you on a deserted island?" , no one ever replies, "A BOAT"
At 4-way stop, the first person to finish their text has the right of way right?
I hate it when people hate me without even giving me a chance to give them a good reason to.
Right now my life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Wal-mart.
I`m a crabby a$$ bitch before my coffee ... and after
Never underestimate a woman’s ability to make anything your fault.
Some people are like Polaroids. You have to shake them violently before they make any sense.
People keep mistaking my "wow"s for compliments.
In retrospect, I suppose "harder" wasn`t the best choice of a safe word.
I’m positive that somewhere out there exists a video montage of me dancing alone in various elevators.