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one of the Olsen twins got married earlier today! when the fiance was asked "which one???" he replied "who cares???"
I’d like to think I’ve taught Citibank a valuable lesson about handing out credit cards all willy-nilly.
I wasn`t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I`d turn the radio down.
If you think you hate me now, wait till I start answering your rhetorical questions.
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
Someone’s therapist knows all about you.
Until they get this spell-check problem with the iPhone fixed, it would be best not to text your wife and tell her she is looking fit.
My neighbours are loud and obnoxious. Now I know how Canada feels.
Q: What do you call apple-flavoured marijuana? A: iPot
A sheep spends it`s entire life fearing the wolf only to be eaten by the Shepherd.
If it doesn’t involve food or sleep, I’m probably not interested.
I`m smiling ... You should be scared.
If there`s anything I`ve learned in my 27 years, it`s to never admit your real age.
Like a good neighbor,I don`t really care.