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I know it`s rude to ask someone about their pregnancy if you`re unsure, but my hubby looks about 4 months along & the suspense is killing me
If you`re going take a bathroom picture, at least clean it off. I can`t see anything through all the toothpaste.
That awkward moment when the mosquito is more interested in persistently banging it`s head against the windshield of your vehicle in an attempt to escape your presence than it is in trying to bite you. #feelingunattractive
The perfect time for a snack is while you’re waiting for another snack to finish cooking.
I have an alcohol problem, in that I can`t afford any.
If you attached a bunch of watches together to make a belt it would be a waist of time.
I`d have a longer attention span if things weren`t so shiny.
If heat makes things expand, then I don`t have a weight problem ... I am just Hot!
I`m not the type of person you want to put on speaker during a phone conversation.
Tell a girl she pretty she`ll believe it for a minute. Tell a girl she has Miley Cyrus` butt she`ll believe it for a lifetime
Happy Fat Tuesday! Join me again tomorrow on I`m still fat Wednesday
My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Walmart.
What`s the hold up on making extremely heavy shoes for toddlers so they can`t run around so much?
Me: You`re the prettiest girl I`ve ever seen. Her: You just want to have sex with me. Me: And you`re smart too, I like that.
Kids teach you so many life lessons. Unconditional love, patience, the meaning of family, but mostly to lock the bedroom door.