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Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious!
When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?
Gas prices are a lot like girls: We just wish they would go down.
is on a Mission. The magic leprechaun told me to follow the pink racehorse to the rainbow where the orange elephant is holding my skittles hostage
You know you are old when people keep telling you how young you look.
Why is it when you go to get your drivers license photo, they tell you to smile. Your not smiling when the police pull you over.
18 is TOO young to get married! You can`t even buy booze at 18! If you can`t buy booze, how the hell are you gonna make a marriage work?!?
keep scrolling… it gets better lol
If life gives you lemons make grape juice than lay back and watch people wondering how you did it;)
The generation of today are so allergic to everything, future wars will be fought by throwing bags of peanuts and cat hair at each other.
If you lift up the handle on the car door at the same time I`m trying to unlock it more than two times, I`m driving off without you.
I guess today has been pretty good. I haven`t had to slap one single person yet....
thumbs up if you pee on the side of the toilet to make it quiet.
If you leave me a voice mail that asks me to call you back at my convenience you have no one to blame but yourself.
There`s a pretty good chance I`ll end up being one of those senior citizens who randomly bites people...