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What is it about paper towels that makes me always want to use more than one?
I am so thankful for all the people that aren`t in my life.
If airports are so safe, why are the buildings called Terminal
I’m offering a $1000 reward to anyone who brings me $1000 and a taco.
"Karate" is an old Japanese word that means, "My kid can`t hit a baseball."
How big does a cupcake have to be before it`s just a cake?
You know its a bad day when your fat pants are tight :(
I don`t even know why chicks spend so much time and money on their hair when all guys look at is their tits.
What if oxygen makes our voice really deep, and Helium just brings it back to normal?
If you watched the story of my life backwards, you`d see an incredibly inspirational story about hair growth, weight loss, and vastly improved athletic ability.
Kids maybe a gift..... But I like playing with the box it came in.
Wonders why there´s an ice cream truck for kids but not a frozen Margaurita truck for adults?
Calling your girlfriend beautiful because you forgot her name.
You can`t always decide who walks into your life, but you can decide which window to throw them out of.
Are walruses just vampire manatees?