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If you figure me out I want an explanation.
I feel bad for kids nowadays who can`t get the toys they want because their parents have to be 18 or older to call.
I am sick of people thinking deodorant is optional.
Chasing your dreams is hard... especially when that damn alarm keeps going off
I had a Dr. appointment this morning. He asked me how many beers I drink. I held out my hand and said this one is only my 4th, I`ll call you back later with the total.
Nothing says "high-functioning alcoholic" like being really good at darts.
This pill bottle says `Take with plenty of fluids` and `Don`t take with alcohol`. That doesn`t even make sense
Tired of those Political Ads on television?...... You may be entitled to compensation.
Apparently everyone was too high in the 70`s when Grease came out to notice that every "student" at Rydell High looked like they were 35
At the Touch of Love..Everyone Becomes a Poet !
But..At the Touch of Breakup Everyone Becomes a Philosopher... ^_^
A hypnotist is just someone that tries to roofie you with jazz hands.
Got a new Juicer. Going to Juice all these delicious organic vegetables I got ... then add Vodka ... Don`t judge...
I`ve been having real problems with nuisance phone calls lately. The most common one seems to be "You said you`d be home from the bar three f*cking hours ago!"
Good thing I`m judged on my actions and not my thoughts.
Drop it! Please, just DROP IT. - My dog, whenever I`m eating.