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I want rich people problems. Like where to park my yacht.
Bad Morning: As I sit on the throne remembering I used all the toilet paper last night for Halloween pranks.
Of course your opinion matters. Just not to me.
With the promise of Free Drinks or Food, I’m willing to go pretty much anywhere.
“Shh.. Do you hear that?” “What? I heard nothing.” “Exactly, it’s the sound of no one caring.”
My dad says that if I don`t stop typing so loudly, he`s gonna slam my face into the fidbdiUHy6hivIifHfGK
Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the “M” is silent.
Every time I stop making bad decisions, I get more and more boring.
People should be required to pay an extra dollar for every syllable of their coffee order.
Why be full of hate when you can be full of pizza?
I need more people like me in my life
The lady next to me in the elevator told me to press One. That was the last thing I remembered
If you watch Jurassic Park backwards, it`s an uplifting film about dinosaurs and people who work together to rebuild an island.
Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I know where you can buy drugs"
Posting a status update before responding to someone`s text is the easiest way to let them know how unimportant they are.