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Pandas are proof that if you have a cute enough outfit no one will call you fat.
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Things I didn`t learn in high school... how to pay bills buy a house apply for college but thank goodness I can graph a polynomial function.
I show my age when I`m in a club with all the 20 somethings.. Guess its because the last dance step I mastered was dancing like Gene Gene The Dancing Machine
"Lazy" is a strong word. I prefer to call it selective participation.
On a scale of 1 to "Get out you`re fired" where does napping at work rank?
I wonder how much a zebra would cost if you scan it…
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did, not screaming for their lives like the passengers in the back of his truck
Swearing releases stress and that`s just one of the f*cking reasons I do it.
"Mounting debt" sounds way sexier than it is.
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and then six months later you have to do it all over again.
Dear vegetarians, thanks for saving all the good food for us.
Why has someone not invented a see-through toaster yet?
Talking to me this morning is like trying to dribble a ball with not enough air in it.
When in doubt, read Facebook Statuses, you`ll see you`re not the only crazy one around