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My car is so old the high beam switch is on the floor...
It`s like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.
This liquid diet crap is a scam. I`ve been drinking beer since last Tuesday and I`m still fat.
When I was a kid and was going to "get it" that was bad. Now I`m an adult and I`m going to "get it" :)
It would be cool if you heard a thunder bug a few seconds after you saw a lightning bug.
Auctioneers are proof white guys could rap if they tried hard enough.
Being a pizza delivery driver is great because literally no one is disappointed to see you
As soon as I figure out who drank my 2 cases of beer, I`m gonna try to figure out why I`m so drunk.
Why would you be scared to get Ebola? You haven`t left your couch since 2011.
This is my first status of 2017. Yeah, I thought it would be better too.
According to maxipad commercials, all women are full of blue windshield washer fluid...
I used to be poor. Then I bought a dictionary, and now I`m impecunious.
If there`s anything I`ve learned in my 27 years, it`s to never admit your real age.
If two wrongs don`t make a right, try three.
You know when dogs sticks their heads out of a moving car window, bite at the air and it looks like fun? I tried it. It is.