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I may not have great parenting skills, but in my defense the kids don`t have great childing skills either.
On the highway, getting passed by a minivan is the football equivalent to getting tackled by the kicker.
My husband told me that he would leave me if I didn`t give up all my bad habbits.....I nearly choked on my toe nail!
How am I supposed to make great life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next?
Don`t act like your not impressed.
Whenever I start to hate my job I think about the camera crew who has to follow the Kardashian’s 24/7.
Men would be way more excited about cleaning if spray bottles made a laser noise.
May the bridges I burn light the path in front of me...
I just saw a man salute the Budweiser truck on the highway. LMAO
For fun, I steal my married friends phones & change my name to `Brandy from the club` then repeatedly call them & hang up at 3am.
People who say "Don`t mix drugs with alcohol"" ... they`re stupid, right?
My New Years resolution is to stop procrastinating so much.
The Swiss must’ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
If it`s alcoholic anonymous. Why do the members stand up an in-troduce them selves?
if your morning beverage isn`t half booze/half coffee, you`re doing Saturday wrong.