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Maybe teenagers just aren`t strong enough yet to remove the sticker from their hat
I know a lot of women who should substitute their lipstick with glue sticks.
My girlfriend says I talk while I sleep... but I`m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
I like how flies rub their hands together like tiny criminals
That moment when you are having a conversation in your head and you realize you are making faces that go along with the silent conversation.
Does anyone actually know what you have to do when people are singing Happy Birthday to you.
I stayed at a really nice, really fancy hotel this weekend. The towels were so thick I could hardly get my suitcase shut.
You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you’ve had?
You never know what you have until..... you clean your room
People who describe things as “better than sex” are having the wrong kind of sex.
How do you spot a blind man at a nude beach? It`s not hard.
I used to be in a band called "missing cat". You`ve probably seen our poster.
I AM doing something with my life. It’s called screwing around.
if i get a friend request from you and your profile picture is a car i`ll asume your a transformer
popsicle sticks: $1. caramel: $3. onion: $1. watching ur kid bite into a caramel onion thinking its an apple: priceless.