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Halloween Drinking Game: Drink every-time an Elsa (from Frozen) visits your house.
I love finding money in my clothes. It`s like a gift to me... from me. :)
So no pizza place on Ninja Turtles ever questioned the delivery address being “The Sewer”
I sometimes ask myself, "What would Jesus do?", and then I think, Jesus wouldn`t be caught up in this sh*t.
As soon as I figure out who drank my 2 cases of beer, I`m gonna try to figure out why I`m so drunk.
I`m as bored as a guy with no arms looking at porn.
Sorry for whatever I said when I was hungry.
Car next to me in the liquor store parking lot has a family sticker. She has seven kids! ... I better get in there quick! She`s gonna buy it all.
The first thing I do when I get a telemarketer call is say "Let`s go off script. What are you wearing?"
Textaphrenia – thinking you’ve heard or felt a new text message vibration when there is no message.
"American Pie" ruined it for any kid that actually does have an amazing story from band camp.
If you are offended by the words "In God We Trust" on your money, then send it to me. I don`t mind it at all.
Facebook is not all about likes and shares. . . Like and share if you agree.
She lost me at, "I don`t watch football."
I may not be the only egomaniac around here, but I’m the only one that matters.