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This debt collector was just so surprised I answered my phone that they stuttered and hung-up lmao!!
When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead, but other people do. The same applies when you are stupid.
This dishwasher sucks. It`s already ruined three of my paper plates.
Do women who complain about never getting laid know about men?
Do NOT accept friend requests from Hormel Foods, it could be spam...
Before you judge me, know that I don`t give a crap. Ok, go ahead.
Day 1. I am thankful that I haven`t fallen into the trap of Facebook thankful status updates.
If I owned a copy store I would only hire identical twins.
Whenever someone says they did something, "like a boss", I assume that means they didn’t do it at all and are merely taking credit for it.
"Well that can`t be right." - dogs watching us catching balls with our hands
When someone says "everything happens for a reason" I`d like to smack them and say "yeah, I guess you`re right"
The institutions won`t take me so I am all yours.
Couldn`t stay awake sitting on the couch, so I laid down in bed to make sure I wouldn`t fall asleep
This is the only way I know how to correctly use a semi-colon ;)
Starbucks isn`t really that expensive compared to how much Victoria`s Secret charges per cup.