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I don`t ever know where I`m at till I`m there
Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain.
30 years later and my Cabbage Patch Kid still has no clue that he`s adopted.
Tattoos are like potato chips. You can`t have just one.
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself" -- 5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
Please don`t post pictures of cats on my FB wall. I am allergic.
Wouldn`t it be awesome if MTV had a show called "16 and Applying to Colleges"
You`re the kind of friend I text when I`m pooping and need something to do.
Settle down homemade play dough parents.
Our sex was so good, the neighbors smoked after we finished.
I named my dog "5 Miles" so I can tell people, "I walk 5 Miles every day"
Possible Fact: White guys with corn rows make dangerous zombies, cuz you can`t possibly run away while laughing that hard at the same time.
I ordered some bubble wrap online. It arrived in a box surrounded by packing peanuts.
I like it when everyone posts on Facebook what they are cooking for diner...it makes my decision on who to drop in on so much easier.
Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store asked to come back soon.