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Its weird that goldfish will eat other goldfish but wont eat goldfish crackers. Life sure is complicated sometimes.
Welcome to Alzheimer`s Club. I see a lot of new faces today.
So they say that having to much sex can cause memory loss, which is just a little something I seem to remember reading in a Rolling Stone magazine once on page 64 paragraphs 3 through 5 while sitting on a park bench October 14th 2002 at 3:46 p.m
The secret to eternal life and happiness could be hidden in the Terms & Conditions and we would never know.
When someone says “you’re the best,” just know that it’s not really true because I’m the best.
Just gonna wait to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I`m describing him.
My kid’s teacher told me my kid is obsessed with video games and that I need to work with her on it. I’m like I do. I’m player 2.
Grabbing a drink after work is perfectly fine.However, you look like an alcoholic when your getting that drink at 6am.
I`m getting older but I still have my moments...though I don`t always remember where I put them
Why do we feel safe under blankets? It`s not like a murderer will come in thinking "I`m gonna ki..- ahh damn! He`s under a blanket
The only thing worse than a cold toilet seat is a warm one.
If you go to dinner alone always ask for a table for two. Look sad as you eat and you will almost always get a free dessert
If your online dating profile says "I don`t have sex on the first date" then that`s why you`re on a dating website.
I dont mind going to work, but this eight hour wait to go home is bullsh*t
I’m pretty sure I have atleast one anscestor who would be pretty pissed to find out that helicopters exist and I can’t fly one.