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Sandals or shoes? I have adorable toes. All 12
I have a coffee table in my house. It`s decaffeinated but you would never know it by looking at it.
If it doesn`t include antidepressants, they shouldn`t call it a Happy Meal.
I’m still waiting for the episode of Storage Wars where there’s a homeless guy living in the unit.
Childless people wondering what it`s like to have some kiddos? Make a lovely healthy breakfast. Take it and throw it all over the floor.
Superman wears his underwear outside his pants and he`s a "hero". But I do, and I`m "weird", "creepy" and "never invited over again."
You`re about 8 beers away from being my type.
I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever I’m making important life decisions.
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed, it ruled.
Who picks up a seeing eye dogs poop?
If you`re going to be original, be prepared to be copied.
I bet when spiders see those fake green cob webs on Halloween they must be like "Ugh, tourists".
I don’t know who or what is doing it, but one day I will find the thing that continues to steal one sock and destroy it.
BREAKING NEWS: Will Smith sends Miley Cyrus to live with auntie and uncle in Bel Air.
I’m going to be very busy in the afterlife. the list of people I’m going to haunt grows everyday.