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Two flies sit on a pile of poop. One fly passes gas. The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey do you mind? I`m eating here."
My New Year’s resolution is to climb Mount Everest, learn 7 new languages, and stop lying.
Told my wife I wanted our kids every other weekend and she reminded me that we`re married & live together so I`d have to see them every day.
Is it wrong to swallow my multi-vitamin with a beer?
I don`t know if I have a stalker, but if I do could you drop off some beer? Thanks
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess.
Eventually, the entire written English language will be taken over by emoticons. Teenage girls will bring us back to Egyptian hieroglyphics.
Fruit cocktail is the most disappointing of all the cocktails.
I bet attractive people think the world is a lot more polite than it really is.
The push-up bra: the strangely acceptable female equivalent of a rolled up sock stuffed in men`s underwear.
Now reached the age where getting lucky is what happens when I can remember where I set my glasses down at
I think I can survive on Mars since they found water for my coffee.
Breast awareness month: we stare because we care
The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not have brains is great news for stupid people.
Wanna have a little fun? Post "Anyone know a good lawyer?" Then sit back and watch the speculation run wild!