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If you’ve ever used Urban Dictionary to compose or decipher a text, congratulations, you`re over 40.
Ladies, if a man says he will fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.
Somedays I feel like running away. Then I remember how much I hate running.
Can someone`s face be a pet peeve?
Whenever I hear that customer service calls are going to be recorded I do one of my raps because I`m too poor to pay for studio time
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my foot while laying on the sofa so I guess today is leg day.
I simply haven’t seen enough solid evidence that suggests not drinking is better than drinking.
OK I`ve stumbled out of bed and made it to the computer- and another Facebook day begins!
Happiness is realizing you can have as many drinks as you want ... cause you`re not driving.
"Hi, I`m here to ruin your life" - Social media
Very little scares me. So does very big.
I shake my bottled water so the H`s & O`s are evenly distributed.
I think my other three stove burners are becoming jealous of front-right.
Dear karma, I have a list of people you missed.
Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if I`m not sure what it means.