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I used to date a girl with a lazy eye, but she was seeing someone on the side.
My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused food, drinks. He spat and swore at anyone who came near him and started throwing things everywhere. After that we NEVER played monopoly again.
I`ll tell you what a woman wants. She wants you to drag her to the bedroom, toss her down, and do the dishes and laundry while she takes a nap.
They should have cell phone chargers in waiting rooms instead of magazines.
Boys are like roses, watch out for the pr!cks...
People say love is the best feeling ever. However I think finding a toilet right away when you have diarrhea is better.
I took a pic of my self a few days ago. Now I`m playing with it. Yeah...I`m playing with my selfie.
Worried that you may have a stalker? Shut up and just be happy someone likes you.
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who really do.
You know you have anger-management issues when you use an entire can of fly spray at point blank range to kill the tinest of moths...
I`ve got big plans for the weekend. If things go well, come Monday morning I`m gonna need a chiropractor, a psychiatrist, a priest and bail money.
Kids these days with their high tech cell phones. They will never get the experience of being stuck in a tree and not knowing if anyone is coming to help. Oh, and could someone come and set my ladder back up so I can get down.
"I`ve had so much coffee, I got halfway to work and realized I forgot my car."
Really, 6 more inches of snow today. My front yard is getting more action than me.
Alice in Wonderland taught me to drink things that I`m unsure of