Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
is pretty sure there´s a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking...And I plan on finding out what that is.
It was love at first sight...I should have looked twice.
Sticks and stones may break your bones. Also good: lead pipes.
Facial recognition software can pick out a person in a crowd, but this stupid vending machine at work can`t recognize my dollar bill with a bent corner...
The problem with trouble is that it always starts out as fun.
Damn girl, are you a Snickers bar, because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly hard and ... hold on, are those nuts?
The only thing worse than a male chauvinistic pig is a woman that won’t do as she is told
We all have that one friend that needs to learn how to whisper.
I hate when homesless people shake their cup of coins at me. It`s like yeah I know you have more money than me, no need to rub it in.
I super glue one jar of pickles shut and leave it out at the barbecue then watch the humiliation unfold.
Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Nothing bad has happened, but I’m trying to be proactive.
Lazy Rule: If you spill water, It will eventually dry.
If you enjoy being the 10,000th person to put your thumb into a hole, then bowling is for you.
I want the drugs of the first guy who was like "DUDE, let`s carve a face into a pumpkin."
None of us have it as bad as the porcupine giving birth to another porcupine.