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I’m crazy but not “LeBron is better than Jordan” crazy.
"Oh Sh!t, Was That Today?" my autobiography
A wireless bra? They weren`t tricky enough, now I need a password?
WARNING:: going to bed on Sunday will cause Monday.
Scott Baio is not a part of the Presidential transition team. I’m really disappointed that Charles is not in Charge of anything.
I had the urge to clean my place today so I laid down until the urge went away.
My definition of" Armed and Dangerous" is: a pissed off wife with a bottle of wine, and the credit cards.
I`ve been running as fast as I can, but I still can`t catch my breath.
So, is Dora 18 yet, or what? Asking for a friend.
The phrase "Go see your Ford dealer" means something completely different in Canada than the United States.
If you want to see exactly how angry a person can get, tell them to "calm down" when they`re already pissed off.
My wife complains about everything I do. It`s like she doesn`t know there are "Sexy singles in my area" that want to meet with me.
I`ll vacuum over something a hundred times before I pick it up and place it back down and try again.
If I owned a copy shop, I’d only hire identical twins to work there.
A female mantis kills the male after sex. That used to seem cruel, but now that I’m married with kids I think the male mantis gets off easy.