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That awkward moment when you have 10+ tabs open and you can`t figure out which one the music is coming from. FML
Don’t you hate when the person you’re Facebook-stalking never updates anything?
Apparently it was a bad idea to ask Siri, "What do women want?" She`s been talking for the last 2 days and doesn`t seem ready to shut up anytime soon.
have you ever tried waking up in the morning? its horrible, the sun`s the wrong place and your head is so damn heavy.
How funny is it when you’re telling somebody a made-up story and someone says “Oh yeah I heard about that”?
I would’ve slept my way to the top years ago if it actually involved sleeping.
How many people actually tell everyone that you said Hi.
If you love someone, let them go, if they don`t come back..... Set them on fire *evil grin*
If you died and went to he!l, how long will it take you to realise that you aren`t still at work?
I`m never free but I`m available.
lf the people in the movies listened to me, they would still be alive.
My business card is just a picture of me looking inside the fridge.
The worst form of Alzheimer’s is when you walk out of the kitchen and forget to grab a beer.
Some days you just can`t get home to your liquor fast enough
No one will ever look at you the way I do ... But thats probably because no one will ever do it from the tree outside your window