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Organized people are just too lazy to look for things!
I thought the movie `fast & furious` was about my sex life. I`m fast, my wife is furious.
I`ve got to remember to tie a string around my finger!
"Everybody freeze!" -December
Damn…I’m having an out of money experience.
My workout plan really only consists of me wandering around in parking lots because I forgot where I parked...
Chuck Norris doesn`t flush the toilet...he just scare the sh!t out of it.
John has 35 candy bars. If John eats 27 of them what does he have? .... Diabetes. John has diabetes.
I really don`t need to be loved.. I would settle for being tolerated. :)
You had me at "I hate that b!tch too".
I`m in my 30`s, but I still feel like I`m in my 20`s until I hang out with people in their 20`s and I`m like, "nope, I`m in my 30`s"
When I say lol, I don`t literally mean I laughed out loud. What I actually mean is that I made a loud outward breath through my nose, similar to a bull.
Putting your finger on someone`s lips and saying "Shhhh... Not another word" is super-romantic. But the cops didn`t think so.
At this point I`m just waiting for summer to be cancelled completely.
Today has been approved by both my middle fingers.